"People who lack self-confidence can't resist the cold from the bottom of their hearts, no matter how much clothes they wear, it's futile." I deeply agree with this sentence.
Two days ago, a reader left me a message, and the original words were roughly:
I read your article recently and said that I used to be a member of a highly sensitive group. In fact, I was too! Sensitivity, inferiority complex, insecurity... I know this is related to the original family and past experiences, but I want to know how you got out of the predicament step by step?
Let's be frank: To this day, I still can't admit that I'm a confident person.
But one thing's for sure: we're all Latest Mailing Database trying our way to break some sort of original bondage.
So, I've always been curious: how does one form self-confidence? Where does confidence come from? What kind of life style is self-confidence?
Next, I would like to talk about a little personal opinion.
1. Self-confidence is constantly "self-clearing"
Confident people use the future to calculate the present; insecure people use the past to calculate the future.
How to understand this sentence?
I grew up by the sea, so I especially like swimming. Every time I see the sea, I can't help but plunge into the water, and then drill hard into the deep sea. There was a summer vacation in high school, and I went swimming with a few buddies. At that time, young people liked to compare with each other, and felt that whoever swam far was the best. I remember that was the deepest time I swam. But suddenly, there was a sharp pain in my inner thigh, like being stabbed by a knife, followed by cramps, my body began to stiffen unconsciously, so I desperately beat the sea water with my hands and screamed for help. Later, I was helped ashore by two classmates. Unfortunately, I got a lot of seawater poured into my nose, and a jellyfish stung a slap-sized blister on my leg.
Since that time, whenever I go to the deep sea, I will be unconsciously afraid and dizzy, because of the past experience, I unconsciously label a certain situation as "fear".
We often say that a person is born with emotions (such as fear, pleasure), but in fact: different people have different emotions for the same thing, such as diving in the deep sea.
Why is it also diving, some people are afraid, some people are happy?
The reason is simple: because emotions are closely related to situational cognition . In other words: what drives us to different emotions is essentially what everyone "knows".
Back to the matter of self-confidence, the fundamental reason why we lack self-confidence in many things is from fear, which is the experience we experience when we try to escape or escape from a dangerous situation.
However, what is even more frightening is that there is still a strong "kick the cat effect" in negative emotions.
As the saying goes, "I was bitten by a snake for ten years and I was afraid of the rope." We often overextend an encounter from the past, or even project it randomly in different situations.
For example, when you were in school, maybe the teacher judged you to be an introverted and shy person, so you still carry this label with you unconsciously until after work. Another example is that in the pursuit of a previous relationship, the other party commented that you were ugly, so you were coerced by your past experience, and when you faced the next relationship, you would still worry about your image.
Therefore, people with low self-esteem often suffer from a strange disease of "learned helplessness" . They are not afraid of the future, but worry that their efforts will lead to the same negative experience as the past.
And what about confident people?
Although they also have emotions, they prefer to make independent judgments on the past and the future. Any experience from the past is not enough to evaluate his future.
In other words, confident people constantly zero in on themselves. Because they know that the past is gone and the future is possible.
2. Self-confidence is not afraid of "exposing shortcomings"
The more confident people are, the more they dare to face the bleak self. How to understand this sentence?
Let’s start with a word that has become very popular in recent years, called IP. In my opinion, many people who prefer to create a character design can use a lyric to describe it as a metaphor: "Seeing him raise Zhulou, seeing him entertain guests and friends, and seeing his building collapse."
Why is IP so vulnerable to many people?
The reason is simple, because it is presented in the form of labels, it is abstract, and what about a living person? It is inherently diverse, figurative, and unpredictable.